Congratulations, England, on falling short yet again in the World Cup.
Now go play a completely pointless third-place game that no one wants and will never make up for brutally losing to Argentina in the semifinals.
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That’s basically what FIFA is saying by forcing Harry Kane, Jude Bellingham and the emotionally bruised Three Lions to play in a ‘bronze medal’ match vs France on Saturday in Miami.
The day before Lionel Messi and Argentina face Lamine Yamal and Spain in a 2026 World Cup final that the world will be watching.
Will England get tiny participation trophies if it edges France for third place in the biggest sports tournament in history?
Will France forget that it was shredded by Spain in the semifinals if it downs England a few days later?
Of course not.
Of all the absurdities surrounding FIFA and the 2026 World Cup – start with weak red cards, Folarin Balogun’s suspension overturn and serious VAR problems, then go down the list – the return of the third-place game is the most insulting to humanity.
No one deserves this.
No one wants to be rewarded for losing in the semis by having to get trolled on social media for playing in a third-place match that is more fit for elementary school kids than the best athletes on the planet.
“Nobody of these (England) players, nobody of the French players wants to play for this match,” said England head coach Thomas Tuchel, who faces an uncertain future.
“They want to play in the final. We gave everything to be in the final. Everyone plays to win the World Cup, but it is what it is.
“We have a day less to recover. But we will do it, professionally, of course.”
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England deserves better than this, so does France, and FIFA could pick up an easy win in the 2030 World Cup by trashing a needless third-place game.
“It’s not a game any team wants to play in,” said former England coach Gareth Southgate, after a World Cup semifinal loss to Croatia in 2018.
Premier League players already face an overpacked schedule filled with Champions League and Cup matches.
Some of the biggest football stars in the world have complained for years about exhaustion and the lack of downtime, with so many games crammed into a 12-month period.
But the third-place game gives FIFA another match to promote and sell on TV, while keeping the World Cup in the news cycle for one more day.
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It has nothing to really do with an extra $2 million in prize money for the third-place team, padding individual stats or building toward 2030.
The NFL has nothing comparable to a third-place game – you either win the AFC and NFC Championships and move on to the Super Bowl, or you go home – and the NBA Finals devote a potential seven-game series to deciding a winner between two teams.
MLB also wouldn’t touch a third-place game, while the proposal would get laughed out of the NCAA’s College Football Playoff.
Put simply, America has no time to waste on third-place losers.
You either win it all or go again in the next tournament.
Who cares if the third-place game was introduced in the 1934 World Cup?
It’s 2026, artificial intelligence has replaced the horse-drawn carriage, and teenage Tik Tokers unite with the elderly in agreeing that a third-place game is an insult to everyone who lost the World Cup semifinals.
A free tip for Gianni Infantino: Ditch this third-place rubbish and win over a few fans — until the next FIFA cash grab.
