Friday night in Blackburn and a group of men are getting together as usual on an indoor pitch in the shadow of Ewood Park.
Alan Shearer and Chris Sutton used to train here back in the days when Blackburn Rovers were the kings of English football and the weather in East Lancashire was too harsh to play outside.
Most of these men are wearing the famous blue and white halves of Rovers as well. The names printed on the back include Freya, Britney, Holly, Tiegan and Baby A.
This is Blackburn Rovers Dads FC, an award-winning support group for bereaved fathers and the first of its kind in football.
They are here at the Blackburn Rovers Indoor Centre to play five-a-side football, but what really brings them together is the camaraderie, the friendship, a shared understanding and the most painful of all bonds: losing a child.
One of them is here for the first time. He tried coming down two weeks ago, just two days after his partner suffered a miscarriage, but it was too soon.
The group welcome him in. Some friendly chatter. A cup of tea afterwards or maybe a pint over the road at The Fernhurst pub opposite the stadium.
Stephen Chapman was one of the first two dads in the group in November 2024. They call them the founding fathers. Now it has grown to a group of 25.
This is Blackburn Rovers Dads FC, an award-winning support group for bereaved fathers and the first of its kind in football – and has grown to a group of 25 since November 2024
Bernasconi-Parsons, in her role as organiser, helps supply the shirts and names, as well as the numbers, each of which has a special significance
Chapman spoke about his experiences at the Houses of Parliament when the Blackburn Rovers Community Trust visited Westminster in April, a few days before winning the EFL’s community project of the season.
The 32-year-old and his partner tragically lost their baby daughter, Freya, at 38 weeks in June 2024. ‘We went up to Burnley Hospital with reduced movements,’ Chapman recalls. ‘You’re anxious, but we’d been before and it had always been fine. They tried to find a heartbeat but couldn’t. Within two hours of getting there, we found out we’d lost her.’
The Friends of Serenity charity funds bereavement suites at Burnley Hospital’s East Lancashire Women and Newborn Centre to support couples going through the trauma of miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death.
They work with Maggie’s Stillbirth Legacy, which runs a support group for bereaved mothers and was instrumental in setting up Blackburn Rovers Dads FC after identifying a lack of support for fathers.
‘Men don’t talk enough,’ says Chapman. ‘I shut myself down for the sake of my partner to give her a safe space because I knew she needed that more than I did. It probably took me up to a year to really start opening up.
‘But I didn’t know anyone else who had gone through it. You can speak to your friends and your parents, and they all understand, but they don’t get it. So to have somewhere to be around other people who understand your grief, it’s been a massive part of my healing process.
‘I do dread to think where I would be without it. I’m so thankful it exists and I’m part of it.
‘We’ve got lads who have lost young unborn children, similar to me, and we’ve got lads who have lost adult children, so you’ve got someone who understands your situation.
‘The football gets people down here, but it’s the group that keeps them coming. We’ve never had anyone who hasn’t come back, and I think that says quite a lot.
‘Sometimes we just talk football because it’s a football group. Sometimes we talk a lot of rubbish, just like mates do. It’s different support for different people. Some people need to talk, some people just want to be amongst people who get it.
‘We’ve got lads who have lost young unborn children, and we’ve got lads who have lost adult children, so you’ve got someone who understands your situation,’ says founder Chapman
‘It’s important to have that space and do it in your own time. We’re never going to force it because there’s no point in doing that. But we’re always going to be there — that’s the main thing: we’re there ready for when you are.’
The support is there throughout the rest of the week in the form of an incessant exchange of messages on a WhatsApp group. The dads have learned to know when one of them has gone quieter than usual, often as an anniversary is approaching.
‘It’s nice just to be able to jump on your phone and go, “I’m having a bit of a down day today”,’ says Anthony Potts, a 34-year-old from Preston.
‘It’s like a little network community and you all understand each other. We’ve met good people under really bad circumstances.’
Anthony and his partner learned they had lost their baby girl, Sophia, after arriving at the hospital for a planned C-section last June.
‘We had a nice little photo at the front door, just me, my missus and bump. The nursery was set up, pram built, car seat in the back, everything, and then we came home empty-handed,’ he says.
‘It’s a dark time. You don’t really move on, it’s always there. We still have our arguments. We don’t mean to take it out on each other, but we’re just so frustrated with the world. Why did it happen?
‘I’m ex-military and only left two years ago, so it was a case of “it’s happened, park it, move on” because that’s what you’re used to doing with your friends who were lost.
‘That’s how I started to process it. Then I took a step back and realised I couldn’t do it like that.
‘The missus turned round and said, “there’s a dad’s group, do you fancy it?” I told her I’m not into football and she was like, “well just go anyway, if you’re good or rubbish it doesn’t matter”. So I thought I’d give it a go and see what happens. If it’s not for me, I’d move on. I came here and it’s been amazing.’
‘The football gets people down here, but it’s the group that keeps them coming. We’ve never had anyone who hasn’t come back, and I think that says quite a lot’
When the founder of Blackburn Rovers Dads FC and Maggie’s Stillbirth Legacy, Sarah Bernasconi-Parsons, first approached the club’s community trust with the idea, she was ready to twist Blackburn’s arm by threatening to go to arch-rivals Burnley instead.
There was no need to worry. The trust’s chief executive, Gary Robinson, loved it, and the first match took place two months later.
Bernasconi-Parsons, who set up the non-profit organisation after losing her baby girl, Maggie, at 39 weeks and five days in 2014, has no doubt that the weekly five-a-sides have been a lifesaver for some dads.
‘Absolutely, one hundred per cent,’ she says. ‘You can speak to them yourself and they’ll tell you the truth. One said, “I thought about taking my own life” and they haven’t because they’ve got that support. People who understand exactly those thoughts and those feelings, and exactly where it’s headed.
‘Men are opening up more and even if they don’t want to open up, it helps just to be around other men who know those dark thoughts.
‘So you know you’re not going crazy. There are times when you think: “I shouldn’t be thinking like this. Am I ill? Have I got mental health problems?” But you haven’t. You need support.
‘The dads support each other. Men supporting men through football, sneaking off to the pub after the game. I love that. I love the fact that they all support each other.’
Then there are the other perils such as drug abuse, drinking and gambling, which can afflict bereaved fathers.
‘It’s helped them all find a new way of living,’ says Jo Edwards, who founded Friends of Serenity in 2013 after losing her son Luke to the rare genetic disorder Trisomy 13.
Edwards complements the energy of Bernasconi-Parsons in her role as an organiser, which includes supplying the shirts and names, as well as the numbers, which each have a special significance.
‘All the mums have said the dads are managing to speak a lot more, even if it’s not to them. They know that they’re getting that comfort from the other dads and that opportunity to speak.
‘It’s made a contribution to their mental health. Some of them have said how they were in a really bad place with overeating, drinking excessively and gambling. Because of the group and having that mental release, it’s changed their lifestyle and wellbeing.’
As well as picking up the EFL’s community project of the year award, Blackburn were also named the Championship’s community club of the season.
Robinson, the community trust’s CEO, says: ‘It’s a bit of a cliche, “more than a club,” but we genuinely are more than just football clubs. We’re at the heart of the community and the club realises its responsibility.
‘For some of the dads, they can put that grief and that pain to one side whilst they’re playing. It’s a bit of a respite for them.
‘It’s the worst group to be a part of because you’ve been through something that no parent ever wants to go through. But they’re just the most amazing people from all walks of life, all backgrounds, various age ranges — different communities, different faiths and religions.
‘We’ve got a new dad who’s turned up tonight. He’s never been before. They’ve welcomed him in like a family member and he was bereaved two weeks ago.
‘I’ve just seen him score a goal and they’re all shaking his hand and giving him a pat on the back. At half-time they were chatting, most likely about how they’re feeling and what’s going on in his life and how he’s coping.
‘Then at full-time they’ll have a brew together or, if they feel a little bit more adventurous, they’ll have a pint and just have a chat about it, or maybe they won’t.
‘It’s just incredible to see it working from an idea to actually happening.’
