Amid the gleeful aftermath of Manchester City’s guilty verdict among rival supporters, a piece of AI slop did the rounds on social media that showed Erling Haaland, or at least something supposed to look like Erling Haaland, trudging across a boggy pitch. ‘Boss, what the hell is this place?’ the AI Haaland asks before tripping through a muddy puddle, cartwheeling in the air and landing flat on his face.
The prospect of City’s star names being forced to run out at Bromley or Barnet should the eight-time Premier League champions be sent hurtling down the divisions as punishment for their flouting of financial rules is almost too much for their rivals to bear.
City will lodge an appeal but if the verdict stands, all manner of punishments remain on the table, including points deductions that would certainly see City relegated from the top flight, or even expulsion, raising the possibility of the club tumbling into Leagues One or Two.
Should that be the case, it remains hard to see how they will be able to keep hold of their star players on huge wages, even though it is believed no relegation clauses are in their contracts that would make their exits easier.
If there is to be a fire sale, then, Daily Mail Sport wonders which Premier League clubs might be the perfect bargain hunters for their wares…
If Man City are sent to the bottom of the football pyramid they could lose their top stars
Erling Haaland to Arsenal
What better way for Arsenal to solve their striker problem once and for all than snaffling one of the best in the world?
No more wondering about whether Viktor Gyokeres’s ability to run in behind defences is more important for this game rather than the excellent craft and guile of Kai Havertz dropping in, linking up play, making things happen, even if he might miss the odd sitter. Don’t worry about all that. Just buy Haaland, stick him up top and let him do the rest.
Haaland can keep winning trophies, keep playing in the Champions League and keep working under another Pep Guardiola protege in Mikel Arteta (albeit one that’s become more like Jose Mourinho over the years).
Haaland may have to settle, however, for heading in most of his goals in from corners rather than gliding into the box to finish off beautiful, flowing passing moves.
Real Madrid and Barcelona are said to be circling but maybe he’d just be better off jumping across town to United, who are creating tons of chances from open play, but have long needed a reliable striker to poke them in.
Haaland, you would like to think, would be a little more ruthless than Benjamin Sesko, Joshua Zirkzee, Rasmus Hojlund and Wout Weghorst. He wouldn’t even need to move house.
Erling Haaland up front for the already dominant Arsenal team would be a scary prospect
Marc Guehi to Liverpool
This move nearly happened just over a year ago anyway. Crystal Palace agreed to sell him for £35million on deadline day, with Guehi booked in for the first part of his medical and the deal sheet submitted, only to pull the plug at the last minute when they couldn’t find a replacement. Four months later, he was a Man City player.
If City get what’s coming to them and the fire sale ensues, this feels like a simple solution.
Liverpool are in search of their Virgil van Dijk successor, as their captain continues his stroll into the twilight of his career. Only this week, he was forced to hit back at ‘nonsense’ claims he told former Netherlands head coach Ronald Koeman to switch to a back five at the World Cup to help protect him.
Regardless, Liverpool need to think of life after Van Dijk. Who better than another left-sided centre-back, with an abundance of leadership qualities? Liverpool missed out last time, might they get one more chance?
Jeremy Doku to Tottenham
Spurs have just bought two players with questionable goal records from City for massive money in Omar Marmoush and Savio so why not make it an unimpressive hat-trick. Five goals in 30 Premier League games for Doku last season, and three in 29 the campaign before, so he should fit right in at Spurs.
The only potential downside, of course, is that Tottenham may not be in the Premier League come next season either, though that would be down to their own incompetence rather than impropriety on an industrial scale.
Arsenal could do with some strengthening down their left flank, too, with Gabriel Martinelli and Leandro Trossard both leaving this summer. Christos Tzolis is doing a fine job but he can’t do it all on his own.
Nico O’Reilly to Brighton
You suspect any City players jumping clear of the sinking ship would prefer their agents to wrangle moves to another club in the rough and tumble of a title race. Brighton, perhaps?
The Seagulls are soaring under Fabian Hurzeler, a manager who loves his full-backs to think like midfielders, one tucking inside to overload the central areas of the pitch while the other bombs forward, or both pushing high and wide as part of Brighton’s breathless press.
Who better to understand those roles and responsibilities than Nico O’Reilly, who can do them all? He can play as a left-back, a holding midfielder, a box-to-box engine runner or even a No10. He was named the Premier League young player of the season.
Liverpool could do with a decent left-back too with Kostas Tsimikas and Milos Kerkez not pulling up any trees but, hey, if Brighton can get him on the cheap, they can probably flog him for three times the price in a few years like they usually do.
Elliot Anderson to Manchester United
He’s the one they wanted. He’s the one United planned to build their midfield around before Anderson chose the blue side of Manchester, so what better way to stick it to those soon-to-be ‘Quiet Neighbours’ than by pinching him off City in a cut-price deal.
For all their midfield summer signings of Youri Tielemans, Carlos Baleba and Andrey Santos, it still feels like something is missing. Anderson showed them exactly what in the Manchester derby as he bossed the midfield despite City being down to ten men.
If they get the chance to get their man once more, surely they take it.
England star Elliot Anderson (right) was who Man United wanted but he opted for their rivals
Rayan Cherki to Fulham
Fulham had an offer of an initial £12million accepted by Lyon for Cherki two years ago, only for the then 21-year-old to reportedly decide he didn’t fancy the move to west London. Maybe the prospect of a Tuesday night trip to Bromley’s Hayes Lane might make him reconsider. Probably not. Cherki is too good. Zinedine Zidane called him a ‘real baller’, which probably means he’ll just go to Real Madrid.
Ruben Dias to Chelsea
Ever since the departure of Thiago Silva, Chelsea have been in desperate, desperate need of some maturity, experience and leadership in their back line.
Wesley Fofana is a fine defender when he’s fit but none of Xabi Alonso’s options, even after spending £52million on Maxence Lacroix, can touch the organisation and winning mentality of Dias. They reportedly considered a move for John Stones after his summer exit, too, so you suspect they know the value of tapping into that City defence.
Antoine Semenyo to Liverpool
Liverpool still need to replace Mo Salah. Bradley Barcola is yet to prove he’s the man to do so, despite joining for £123million. Who better, then, to help fill that void than the winger turned into a player good enough for Pep Guardiola by the man now standing in the Liverpool dugout.
A reunion between Semenyo and Andoni Iraola from their days on the south coast at Bournemouth feels like the perfect match and one, you’d imagine, that won’t cost anything like £123million.
Enzo Fernandez to Aston Villa
For a team that’s spent its last few years having to flog its players to keep in line with Premier League financial rules, it’s unlikely they would be able to land a player who has now been sold twice for more than £100million. Good job, in this playful experiment, he’s going on the cheap.
He’d be the ideal fit for Unai Emery, who has just lost Youri Tielemans to Manchester United. Tielemans could sit deep and dictate tempo like a quarterback or push high behind the striker and create from the No10 role. That’s just what Fernandez can do. But if we’re being realistic, Real Madrid wanted him in the summer so that’ll be the more likely destination. How boring.
Enzo Fernandez has only just joined Man City in a massive £125million deal
Abdukodir Khusanov to Sunderland
Young, quick and with bags of raw talent still to be developed. That fits the Black Cats’ recruitment brief of signing young players with high resale value. Khusanov’s one of the quickest defenders in the league but it’s his physical dominance – he’s won every single aerial duel this season – that would make the Sunderland fans love him. It’s just a shame someone like Chelsea might snap him up first.
Iliman Ndiaye to Everton
I mean the ink probably isn’t even dry on the contract yet, is it? He’s likely only just figured out where the canteen is. Wouldn’t it be lovely for David Moyes to re-sign his best player for less than Everton sold him for and bank not only Ndiaye’s goals but a bit of cash too.
Phil Foden to…Manchester City?
Is Foden the one who stays? The local lad, who came through the academy, is he the one who sticks with a club that’s stuck by him and repays that faith by trying to get them back to where they want to be?
His form in recent seasons suggests he’s unlikely to get the Real Madrids and Barcelonas and Paris Saint-Germains queueing up. Arsenal were interested in the summer, and a player like Foden who looks a world beater one moment but frustrates the next screams Tottenham, but maybe, depending on the wage cut, he’s the one they rebuild around.
